Oh Johnny.. Ohhhhh Johnny!
I woke up this morning thinking I had really gotten lucky in my dreams. That they had turned into reality and that Johnny Depp really was there lathing his tongue up my chest with his face buried in my cleavage. Long sweeping licks, like I was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted.
Unfortunately, as I came fully awake I realized that Johnny was no where to be found. Instead, I had to come face to face with the cold hard facts that it was my dog that was getting me all hot and bothered. After my head quit pulsating from my too rapid jumping up, wtf moment… I did have the presence of mind to inspect what was so yummy about my chest. I wish I hadn’t.
I honestly thought I was safe. I let my guard down by thinking since there had been no episodes of late, that my possible sleepeating disorder was a random occurrence and thing of the past, but I was wrong. So very, very wrong.
Plastered to my chest was a half eaten Chocolate Chip Pop Tart. I really don’t know if it was me that ate the other half or the dog.. but half was gone and the other half was smeared across my chest. Farther down, as I peeled off my tank top style t-shirt that was glued to my breasts with chocolate goo, I found a few random pieces of Reese’s Puffs Cereal. As I worked my way down my body I found more remnants of the Pop Tart plastered to the inside of left thigh and the remainder of the box of cereal that I apparently spilled while I slept.. the damn things were everywhere.
Now that all the tell-tale signs of what looked like a nocturnal food fight have been cleaned up, I’m wondering.. should I install babyproof cabinet locks so that maybe I’ll wake up while trying to get to the food supply?
Or maybe I should just consider myself lucky that the dog didn’t go for the portions of Pop Tart that was stuck between my thighs.
I think I have “Awake Eating Disorder” (in fact, I just hit sparkpeople today in final “I need to suck it up and calorie count” maneouvre.
Have to say–the baby proofing sounds good. Or move the stuff you’re likely to go for to an unlikely place. And replace with “healthful snacks” (ha!)
Thanks for that last image–yeah, uh, thanks.
(p.s. nice to meet you:))
Hey there Joy! Welcome to Groovy Lady! I’m so glad you stopped by.
I think I have the awake one too.. well from looking at my rear that appears to be the case. In regards to the healthy snack.. what are those? They make that kind of thing?
Sorry for that visual I left you with, lol. Personally I have visions of Gollum dancing in my head.
Is it possible the dog is bringing you this food?
Some dogs will play sick and twisted jokes like that…
I would go with that story if it were me!!
That whole thing was hilarious.
Damn! I’m actually very good at casting blame.. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that one on my own.
“It was the dog I tell you! The dog!”
I was in a really, in a sick kind of way mind you, pleased that the dog was licking the chest of a female.. just wish it wasn’t mine. Up until now we really thought both of our dogs were gay.
They sit there and lick each others heads and make humping motions on the floor… damn pervs.
Okay, let me first say, I’m not a dog lover….So, if this happened to me, not only would I be sadly disappointed that my revelation was that of a gross dog licking it up, but I do believe that would send me into a deep depression, especially if the dream was vivid enough to make me say “Ooooooohhhhhh Johnny!!!” I’m sad for you! LOL. I wish it were the real thing and not a scary unconscious borderline beastiality situation!! hahahaha!!! I love this place.
Oh, my god… did you really do that to yourself in your sleep?
@ Krystal.. honey you and I both wish it were the real thing, lol!
@ Oh, The Joys.. unfortunately yes I really did. However I don’t remember it, I just find the evidence of it when I wake up, lol. I’ve been doing it on and off now for the past few months.. maybe longer, but I didn’t realize it until I found a Hershey Bar stuck to my neck.
Pros:
Dreaming about Johnny Depp
Cons:
Sticky laundry days
Messy clothes/body/bed
Really weird dog encounters
Possible weight gain
Not enjoying food you are consuming.
Hmmm, I’d go for the cabinet locks and remove all junk food from the home.
That means you too, pop tart!
LOL.. dang those cons certainly outweigh the pros by a long shot. Although that one pro should count for about 2 or 3 in my opinion.
What I find really odd about the whole thing, well other than my dog turning me on that is.. I don’t even like pop tarts when I’m awake.
Now the Reese’s Puffs Cereal I truly dig! I think they should sell that in movie theaters along with popcorn. Good stuff! I haven’t ever tried it with milk though.
Hey Joy…I know I definitely have the “awake eating disorder!”
LOL @ Groovy Lady!
It may be the dog bringing you this food. heh??
Have your kids stay awake to spy on you. LOL!
Oh hell no! If the dog does these terrible things to me while I’m sleeping.. I shudder at the thought of what those three would do.
That’s just down right scary!
[…] I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong, but I’m attracting some really freaky attention here lately. And no, I don’t mean from cops (thank goodness), Johnny Depp (mores the pity), or a former mullet wearer that I’m still lusting after.. and on that last one, all I can say OMG! I wish! […]